sectionals today. all it did was confirm what I already knew: that I'm lousy. philo has started to get interesting; not because of the teacher but because of the topic I don't understand why people have double standards can't they see are they so ignorant? they say ignorance is bliss but I desperately want to strike a balance and keep the fire burning.

I want to be alone. not that I don't want to be with all of you; not that I don't cherish the friendships; not that I think friends aren't important or anything - it's just that with people, especially human beings who have emotions, things get doubly messed up. I realised I'm becoming more and more like Bean, can't help it but I guess it's because I subscribe to his school of thought. but I guess that's what makes life interesting.

oh well I am really just staring at the screen and wondering if I should say something; anything at all. if I really do say something I'm scared I'll embarass myself yet the agony of looking is killing me. this brings to mind memories of 111's drama nite play last year. "I know! I press first...then I jump!" in this case what? I talk first and then sign out immediately?