someone wiser would have done things differently -
please shine the light of your presence into my life.
leave me next to nothing; I'm not afraid of losing.
just a common counterfeit yeah.

i don't know why i even bother posting. strangely devoid of emotion despite the events of this week.
third for lyrics and first for song! (: <3 valerie, yufang, weiling and kellie ! waha at least we didn't finish fourth for anything xD lol I'm still quite in love with zhao3, the propro sngs song. fun getting to know the rest of the finalists (with obvious exception of njc).
musica was ... alright I guess. really love and appreciate strings more now, though I wish it wouldn't speed by that fast. would love to thank alot of people xD but I guess them knowing my gratitude should be enough for me.
received a cute baby tigger and a yellowish orange ixora from sam and neko. ixoras!! haha kellie if you read this, don't roll your eyes.
it's all over, and I'm so tired I can hardly think and walk but it doesn't matter because the experience is far better than I could've ever imagined.

sorry for being selfish and being so incredibly juvenile.
can't you see - i'm not ready at all?
how can I describe this; a wrenching loss at what I know must be, yet for its sake I must enjoy and treasure the present.
I am falling, and falling very hard and very fast.
the best thing about that is [decide if I'm sarcastic]: there's no one, and nothing here for me to break my fall. everythingislosingitsmeaning.
I'm not quite sure if I'll have the strength and the heart to carry on in that vein.
and the four of you, well I cannot be sure if our feelings are mutual but I try and I hope you all know. but soon, all of you will shuffle out of my life anyway, so why do I bother? the only reasonable answer I can see is becausebecause
musica is coming up in approximately three days. this week has been stress-filled so far but I'm quite sure it's going to be a great week filled with memories too. hm but this week is the beginning of the end of everything as I know it. my world - won't look like my world anymore. in fact I hardly see any reason to hold on except for burning passion.
I'm not ready for this at all; I'm not ready for my world being flipped upside down, for my feelings to change, for my viewpoints to swing wildly further from myself.
and through this all, with my windscreen all fogged up, I can't see anyone, not even you.
funny how I can be so self-centred and have low self-esteem at the same time.

so here I stand, broken, defeated and humbled.
I'll do anything you'd want me to do, even quit, although the mere possibility of that sends me plunging down an impossibly vertical cliff.
and before whatever remains is crushed into submission, yet another dilemma has forcibly planted itself in my path.
argh it's not as if I'd rather give up one for the other.
as kellie says, "he. is. such. an. idiot."
and so I try to juggle lousily unbalanced schedules, with rehearsals slotted in just about everywhere, attempting not to drive myself/my dad [who drives me around; thx for putting up with me (:] into madness because of those impossible rushes around the wonderful sunny island.
I don't really want to make a choice; but it'd be selfish of me not to. so I will anyway.