blogging sporadically once a week now. don'tthink my random musings are that interesting anyway. I wish I could say something to make you feel happier, but happiness has always been an illusion for those who think they know it.
for those who didn't know, today is 24th Sept. 240905 (: special day. -fauxsqueal- hm kellie and abi, don't pretend to know I do when you see this because I don't. x) IXORAS are gorgeous. and I meant the flower. ANG plucked one for me on thurs, and despite having to kill the ants in their natural habitat, I think IXORAS are really wonderful.
the past two weeks have been ... :( the third time this year in which concert or competition have been clashing. and since eois are coming, it's difficult to participate in abovementioned concert, do homework and study for the eois as well. hm stupid rs portfolio + report is due next week. ...there isn't even any purpose for the report except that we need to dump it on the teachers so they can record our progress. or the semblance of any progress that we're supposed to have made.
well no point whining on anymore, because they are choices that I make and I have to accept my choices. hm somehow yesterday I was looking through what little you have written to me and also writing to jx. and my summarised feelings are: you know how much I would miss you (: and miss that too.
hah well I may drag myself down to buy some new cds today. sigh. the only plausible timeslot now for homework/study is at ten pm. how wonderful.

this week's been a very weird rollercoaster and thanks very much, I don't appreciate being taken along for the ride but all the same, without the ride my life would be emptier.
haha have been thinking about blogging since wednesday but never really got round to doing it until now. one thing that struck me very deeply on wed was what my teacher said about utilising personal experience in music. it's quite true, as one grows older, maybe one's fingers are less nimble than before, less able to turn faster and shift faster but what one has gone through in terms of personal experience enriches the feeling and the connection to the piece. hm. have been thinking about that for a long time (:
well thursday was distinctly interesting hurhur. won't go into much detail here though. the heart was an amusingly spongy entity; sadistic people like sheryl and I got a kick out of slicing it open. orch later was erm okay I guess, elizabeth's my desk partner again! (: waha she was lamenting about it during break, and I think I twacked her on her back. well nearly four long years and I think it's been almost incredibly improbable but I'm quite thankful for it. (:
hm and as omi advises, I shall blog about music today. omi and ANG [oho the CAPS are required!] are in my group! yay. well basically ANG's our tech person who arranges the notes and rhythm on the software and omi's the pro lyricist cum songwriter. so fun! I think I'm beginning to slightly like computer music heh. pleh don't have time to figure out how linking works in blogger, so yeah xD

suddenly I'm reminded of how fast time seems to move; seeing it rush by ungraciously, unfalteringly, feeling it slip through my fingers.
just a common counterfeit yeah.
sunday's over, it's gone. and with it comes realisations that I don't want to realise.
things change and shift blindingly quick, like the way I must parry those doubts.
and in the midst of it all I recognise I don't want to.
15 more weeks, and almost no one left. when the dust settles, the only person who hasn't somehow wriggled out will crumble without a pillar. oddly I'm wishing it will pass, then I could go back to the state of faux-equilibrium before.
if only.

pleh. project superstar finals were rigged! how can kelvin win hmph. never mind, KELLY IS STILL MY SUPERSTAR! (: haha. on the basis of stage presence and technique at least, she should have won. yeah, kelvin has emotive vocals and yeah, he's blind so he can't gyrate about on stage but I bet even if pan jia li just stood there like a lamppost and sang into the microphone her stage presence would still be wayyyy better.
ont going for the lee wei song workshop I think; sorry kellie and wl [if you two read this] (: have to leave you to cope with the sajc guys and the very fractured atmosphere of our group.
eriksson talks bullshit and draws four million pounds a year for letting his players be the manager. pleh. england looks like a pseudo-chelsea; if they don't win the world cup it definitely is eriksson's fault.
grr. back to project superstar. kelly is x) more musical than kelvin lor. and at least a hundred times more good-looking.
so ends term three, on a rather vague and sober note.

There's never gonna be
A moment of truth for you
While the world is watching
'Cause all you need is
The thing you've forgotten
And that's to learn to live
With what you are

sometimes I wish I could be perfect and change myself overnight but I'm learning. thanks pooh, for teaching me so subtly.