sorry for being selfish and being so incredibly juvenile.
can't you see - i'm not ready at all?
how can I describe this; a wrenching loss at what I know must be, yet for its sake I must enjoy and treasure the present.
I am falling, and falling very hard and very fast.
the best thing about that is [decide if I'm sarcastic]: there's no one, and nothing here for me to break my fall. everythingislosingitsmeaning.
I'm not quite sure if I'll have the strength and the heart to carry on in that vein.
and the four of you, well I cannot be sure if our feelings are mutual but I try and I hope you all know. but soon, all of you will shuffle out of my life anyway, so why do I bother? the only reasonable answer I can see is becausebecause
musica is coming up in approximately three days. this week has been stress-filled so far but I'm quite sure it's going to be a great week filled with memories too. hm but this week is the beginning of the end of everything as I know it. my world - won't look like my world anymore. in fact I hardly see any reason to hold on except for burning passion.
I'm not ready for this at all; I'm not ready for my world being flipped upside down, for my feelings to change, for my viewpoints to swing wildly further from myself.
and through this all, with my windscreen all fogged up, I can't see anyone, not even you.
funny how I can be so self-centred and have low self-esteem at the same time.