nth way;

just realised I forgot about my once-a-month update for feb. oh well, maybe i'll save the post for april, which is syf month. march does not promise or offer much; I wish something so essential would not be glorified and cheapened. I feel limp, like a soggy leaf, but life goes on the way it does and nothing can stop its relentless march.

i want to remember what it feels like without thinking hard.

the new blogger runs like an old car -.- anyway, back for my er, once-a-monthly post. if I keep it up, about twelve new posts should have been added to this blog by the end of the year! so far january has been okay; not totally smooth-sailing, I should not be coasting this year away. relatively few people know about this blog's existence, and even fewer visit this blog regularly (: I'd like to keep it that way, to surprise with the occasional post, like now. I like the fact that change is a constant.

lol this month has been the usual mishmash of starting school issues and somehow we are really sec4 this year already. been feeling rather purpose-less lately, maybe because of absence and balance haha :D even I don't and won't want to know. to be truly passionate about something, that takes guts. who can define passion anyway?

pe today was terrible. while crossing from the canteen to the pavement outside I landed awkwardly. I semi-sprained my ankle and scraped both knees quite badly; to heal, it's a matter of time. everything is a matter of time (: oh yeah, another thing I must say, I do come back & view this blog quite often, so if you are reading this leave a tag. I'd rather communicate and respond through the tagboard, somehow. blogging seems too impersonal.

ok this is my once-a-monthly update; it's not that I don't blog, but I have covert means of blogging. the past month has been eventful, to say the least. just a quick thought, as I am wont to do in public spaces: if perfection cannot be gained, what is the point of pursuing perfection? even if the line between illusion and reality blurs dangerously until you cannot tell one side from the other, how would you know what's right or not?

whenever there's a man utd match, I think you can find me online :D

haha :D whoops sry for blogging very, very sporadically but I attribute this partly, partly to watching goong on youtube :DD eoys are over, I maybe flunked about half of them, but post eoy is worth all that torture. shin's bear is really cute!

how does it feel like not to be in transition?

highly amusing to see my parents comment on jon's and hady's performances.

Dad: "You know I don't usually give praise, but I do give credit where it is due. This Malay boy can sing better than the Chinese boy lah! He has a very good voice."
Mum: "I don't know what Jonathan is singing, you can only hear the words "_ around" and "should I stay". At least with Hady you can hear the whole sentence. With Jonathan you cannot even hear anything ah!"

so conclusion: VOTE FOR HADY!

okay, my blog has been redefined and streamlined quite a bit, tagboard still looks a bit funny though. tag if you will! if you see this. don't know if I'll go back to blogging here on a regular basis but to my eager blogwatchers (hahaha like I have any after this long hiatus) I will try to post more. yes in case you were wondering it is partly revived because of my boredom and the gruelling pt ahead of me.

marvel at the human race in its complexity, awesome savagery. finely balanced by the delicate artistic nuances of our making, but really, do most of us abandon our moral standards in difficult situations? keep trying, but life spins you around just a fraction more, leaves you winded - just wish we could all keep a tight rein on what we view as civilisation, maybe (just maybe) degeneration. stare down into that dark place, feel the pulsing miasma, cruel affliction of disease. you know, and I know, this is inherent, in-born, it is ours.

pooh bear and his friends are eighty,; old, but lovable, enough for someone who does not hunger for presence.

amused by the article in life! expounding on friendship, but seeing your name again in full, especially when I know it is personal, shoves me off the edge into insecurity. not quite sure if we're still friends, not quite sure of what I am in relation to you, not quite sure of even whether this friendship matters. I suppose I should have seen it coming! so inevitable, so regrettable. what could I have done anyway, 千里送鹅毛?

maybe I was right, there is no love, and mr fine line can cease to exist.

england vs paraguay tonight! 9pm. :D the world cup has got off to an entertaining start with germany's 4-2 win over costa rica, but really I don't think the hosts will be fancied to go all the way with their defence leaking like the Titanic.

time for england, with its plethora of midfield stars or perhaps spain and holland, to show their true colours (: indeed, festival of football! excited now that 2006 wc has started, and south american teams with all their flair may never get suited to the continental game, especially with the tourney in europe. so I'd dare say that a european team will win, not quite sure just WHICH team.

changed my template specially for world cup finals, to match with grr kellie tan's obvious support for holland. ((: GO ENGLAND, I know you can do it despite rooney.

my life (so far this year) has been vacillating between two extremes, I wish I could make myself care, but it's easier to be bent and broken sometimes.

see, even in the june holidays, I brood about school, which is precisely why Singapore's education system is doing nothing productive but moulding us into students learning to be submissive and not living our lives.

I THINK HCSE ROCKS, really.

brother, if you are reading this, be comforted that even if you couldn't attend, they did well, SUPERB! such beauty in tone. and the novel concept of the concert contributed to the music I guess. the playing was so much more real and there, PERSONAL; I went for it not really expecting much and grousing about studying but really it was a tonic for my long-suffering soul.

...haha.

after weeks of hoping that I wouldn't care, ironically this fans the flames of jealousy, I don't know really.

for once, I am feeling a short-lived kind of happy which is much better in comparison to the usual numbness or resignation I experience trudging around school day after day.

(((((:
:D

guess why! x) even though yeah at first I was in my fallingawayfromnothing mode, but somehow things transpired to reach that point and really, I shouldn't be revealing too much in public (er why do I keep a blog in the first place if I know it's public and rather exhibitionistic; I don't know). but if you feel an urge to know! YOU COULD ALWAYS ASK ME ((: though I'd perhaps never tell you.

maybe I'm glad that it did, maybe I'm sad, but all matters now is how I react.


wait, whoa shit, my hp just screwed up. just so you know, I'll be uncontactable until it gets repaired AND I HOPE IT DOES, BECAUSE THERE ARE IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS INSIDE THERE. ): what a thing to ruin my hyperness.

shit I'm really tired, and struggling. my blogging has become um more and more sporadic, and probably set to continue in this vein.

blogging is social exhibitionism, lol. so maybe I'm an exhibitionist, maybe you'd think I like airing my secrets in public, but no all my secrets are locked up somewhere, and the key to that lock doesn't exist. so what are you seeing here then? the face I show to the world, the face that people recognise and think they know.

but you know, sometimes maybe all I need is to spiral down a black hole and let my world disintegrate, if I can't even be sure of myself, then what possibly can I do?

ouchouchOWTCH I'm at home now, again with an out-of-shape and out-of-sorts left ankle. >:-< this is stupid la, I don't even know why it's swelling so badly, probably reaction to insect bite but it SUCKS not to be able to lead an active life.

going off to hospital later to dig out reason for this unknown swelling guh.

[edit]turns out it is something I share with england's numero uno leftback Ashley Cole. A wonderful inflamed ankle which will keep us out of action for 2-3 weeks! the only difference is he gets paid an enormous weekly wage to nurse his ankle and I don't. ): [/edit]

so goes term one - whizzing by in a patch of blur.
somehow I am sorry about not being fervently enthusiastic about everything, just that life isn't what it used to be anymore, it makes wise men wonder while strong men die.
emotionless precisely because of _ but I don't wonder or worry because I'm fine with it. after all, we do "acquire the strength we overcome".

let me just say - I INJURED MY ANKLE TODAY. while running for dear 315, somehow my ankle went boink and flattened into the ground. this is NOT a cause for celebration, contrary to public perception (if kellie tan can be called the "public" la). am waiting a few days to see if it can sort itself out, meanwhile I'm just resting and icing it. grr. I really resent the thought of having to hobble around like bai ka. and if I really have to, trust me I won't be hobbling around in a tragically heroic manner, or having my friends hop down after me on a staircase.

[edit] guh after icing it the swelling went down, so I insanely went to play soccer and guess what? the injury is now aggravated and my ankle is swollen. hooray! see, I rode a rough tackle and took a tumble on that very same ankle. so I may be indisposed for one week, maybe more. one week of not playing soccer? pah! [/edit]

nothing much to say, except that today was a fairly good day; even social studies and math is mildly entertaining. after sch, went with ang and abby k to tarbet house cupboard to uh, get some non-existent tarbet stuff? tsktsk tarbet logs, don't even know where your things are. bummed around the foyer for awhile before heading down to subway! >:( abby and I ended up running after an already-full 190, but behind that was a 105, so I guess our running wasn't that in vain.
bleh subway was quite, err. I guess "err" is the appropriate word to describe it, because currently my mood is swinging from annoyed to happy. quite surprising to see deborah there in the first place, and she went, in a so obviously NON-EXISTENT whisper, "eh look behind you!" guh I think I circled around and scanned the place at least three damn times before she helpfully came to my rescue and said, "directly behind you!" -.- won't elaborate, but arghh this is the umpteenth time I am trying to comprehend the very basis of misconceptions. and when _ was leaving, deborah helpfully announced that to me =S er, credit to her though for trying.
but gramophone makes me jubilant, I picked up milstein's tchaik/glazunov + dvd and spotted Szeryng's Bach there, but no cash left guh, so I skipped that for today.

now guess why I am blogging.