hello, not really inclined to blog, but I just wanted to say thanks to (in random order): my family :))), denise koh, kellie, grace tang, annie, weiling, chloe, ANG :D , rachel, calyn, falqwin, nicole thio, qing and mun yi. err I know I left out some people and I give those people the license to bonk my head if they see me. oh YEAH i think I remembered a few more: ty, nate and z. er that's it for now, I don't think you'll see me for a long time yet, just don't feel the impetus to blog la.

uh really have nothing to blog about. no wait, actually I do but 1. I'm too lazy to type it out 2. it's a load of crap. so being the rational and sane person I appear to be, I shall deny this blog's viewership (which seems to number at maybe sbout five HAHA) the unfortunate pleasure of reading crap.

been addicted to this game called um, called KING KONG JUMP recently. something about jumping over pringles cans! I'm in the world's top 5000 for this game haha. don't laugh okay I managed a rather impossible score of uh 65 000. vegetating in front of the computer in total club manager has also been wasting my time keeping me gainfully occupied. haha david villa is cute yo! hang on, the smurfs are cuter! okay I know this entry is horribly random but I did really mean it when I said I had nothing to blog about.

papa smurf!!

haha DAVID VILLA IN ACTION ON THE LEFT. !! he scored for spain to earn a facesaving draw against slovenia um, last match.

goodbye then, mr very-randomified-post, I'm off to slack a bit more. and yeah sometimes I wish I thought about you less.

one week into the holidays, and it's fizzing by.
uh busy week - waddle house camp then yo then sleepover then strings.
whee and I discovered the joy of playing polar bear! especially that of having the hunters win =) arr sorry weiling, had to kill you la! too bad you were a polar bear heh.

I have come to the opinion that all _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ are _ _ _ _ _ who have mood swings and pfffft are crazy about things that don't really matter.

YES manchester united beat chelsea 1-0! REJOICE man utd fans REJOICE. I can't say we won the game by skill, but more by the hunger and desire of the players to win as well as the workrate and commitment of the players. especially those whom Keane criticised midweek, although bardsley and richardson were benched, I was quite impressed by Ferdinand Smith and Fletcher ( !!! :D ) and YAY this is the first time I've watched a match after midnight "legally" without having to wake up in the middle of the night and sneak downstairs.

er and i know i'm not the type of person to be very open, but I think bench 6 rocks! and of course n 'm' n + c too! ): I'll miss you guys next year and a few other people like qing and chloe and abi ho I guess.

if you see this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GOR! (: sorry for not getting you a birthday present yet, it will be a belated one! erm went to get a haircut today. and my hair's now very short. >< but this isn't the point. when I came home, there were two strangers lounging about on the sofa and my brother was standing looking majorly uncomfortable wahaha. lol so weird. now should be the mugging period for j2s! and they spend their time visiting houses. o.O de-stress I guess.
to all j2s who happen to see this (I bet there's only one j2 who will see this lah), wish you the best for your A levels!

copied from kellie's blog because I cannot be bothered to retype:

pwesshus' cute cute cheer we sang at every goal:
that's the ways, uh-huhs uh-huhs,
i likes its, uh-huhs uh-huhs
that's the ways, uh-huhs uh-huhs,
i likes its!

darn it's stuck in my head. TWILEVEN LOVE! <3>like, totally rock as a class. waha after net carn we ran to the milo van and yam-senged in the middle of the road. I BACK ELEVEN (: so here the last road begins;

That sweet and sacred feeling you know
Will never last long
Every time you turn around you'll see
One more part of you, yes it's gone
I need your spirit darling
And lend me your helping hand, and I
I'll meet you in the morning
When I've broken up the band
lyrics of Up All Night by Razorlight

YES EOYS ARE OVER. freedom beckons. well today after math was fantastic, just the right balance of everything I've ever needed and everything I can use to go insane for a bit. netball! zoe and I spent the time running from the attacking third to the centre third. not that useless lah, can practise shuttle run xD went off with omi/neko and uh we walked all the way back after the third stop to lucky plaza where I bought a cd! whee. calyn met us there (us shorties, yes us lame-o shorties) and we half-chionged to cine to watch GOAL. and I must publicly exhort the movie GOAL for being able to inspire. gives you a good picture of life as a reserve/first team player as well. the first team locker room was the coolest. jerseys hanging up on the wall so neatly, boots placed on the bench. wow. product placement was darn obvious though, calyn and I sniggered through those. santiago carrying an adidas bag, after gavin scores you see adidas billboard, adidas bag on the team bench, adidas predator boots.
hm after that omi went to buy the GOAL! soundtrack. waha. I'm starting to come round to the view that oasis isn't that bad after all. and calyn bought the kelly clarkson cd I think. uh we walked around the levels ;) interesting place. and only ang wasn't carrying a cd heh.
on a more serious note, the concert tonight was erm okay. certainly not the best one I've seen, but it had a nice mix of everything: company, fascinating music and learning points. whee! today has been a HIGH day, due to loads of factors, some of which have been mentioned and some of which have not.

so maybe my hiatus has just been ditched into hell, along with mugging and grades.
today + yesterday were our last proper lessons as a class; and I didn't realise exactly how united we were until today. assembly block/cleanup seems rather inappropriate for class bonding but we were efficient and finished early (: the very last time we could actually act like a class, without the weird floating feeling of post-exams or the stress of eoys. one twelve last year was distinctly different from twileven, partly because in our class, everyone can talk to everybody else. I'd miss the feeling of high-ness, and general noise, especially in mrs yap's lessons (: the hot muggy air in the afternoons when the windows are open, and everyone sleeping during geog. our last history lesson with mr mizar, and him crapping on about fairytales in german o.O and how he got involved with fights. (eh such a role model) xD the different characteristics of each term three/four group. <3 kang, calyn, jiemin, qing and ANG! well after cleanup we sat and stoned for a bit, had a lousy untimely spotcheck and emotions started running high after we got back our spa results. (: one of our last times singing together in a class, doing funny insane stuff together, annoying the teachers with our incessant chatter and whatnot. then some people started crying, and hugging, and everything else. <3 two eleven muchly (: floating and fighting, like a kite on the string; until this cut through my tether and changed everything. took for granted that nothing would change, but everything is - i'll treasure the past and the present.

on hiatus permanently for now.

the song of silence; -one more chance so keep floating

sometimes I wish I could hang on to the world I used to love, find my reason for staying in here. well even utopia has its dark undertones - perfection has its price.
opus nine was um alright. tiring. faded out from intermission onwards after being grinded flat by my somewhat uninspired playing and lack of focus. loved the song the kids sang; walking through the gloomy rainy day. bittersweet touch of irony there.

safe to say from here,
you're getting closer now
we're never sad cause we are not allowed to be

my brother's getting enlisted for ns on 3rd december. how fun. well I guess these things just happen.
I am not integrated for this - hold still all of my life, all of my time...
the natural life you're born you die; the natural life you're wrong you're right.
half the time I wish my world could be righted on its axis.

blogging sporadically once a week now. don'tthink my random musings are that interesting anyway. I wish I could say something to make you feel happier, but happiness has always been an illusion for those who think they know it.
for those who didn't know, today is 24th Sept. 240905 (: special day. -fauxsqueal- hm kellie and abi, don't pretend to know I do when you see this because I don't. x) IXORAS are gorgeous. and I meant the flower. ANG plucked one for me on thurs, and despite having to kill the ants in their natural habitat, I think IXORAS are really wonderful.
the past two weeks have been ... :( the third time this year in which concert or competition have been clashing. and since eois are coming, it's difficult to participate in abovementioned concert, do homework and study for the eois as well. hm stupid rs portfolio + report is due next week. ...there isn't even any purpose for the report except that we need to dump it on the teachers so they can record our progress. or the semblance of any progress that we're supposed to have made.
well no point whining on anymore, because they are choices that I make and I have to accept my choices. hm somehow yesterday I was looking through what little you have written to me and also writing to jx. and my summarised feelings are: you know how much I would miss you (: and miss that too.
hah well I may drag myself down to buy some new cds today. sigh. the only plausible timeslot now for homework/study is at ten pm. how wonderful.

this week's been a very weird rollercoaster and thanks very much, I don't appreciate being taken along for the ride but all the same, without the ride my life would be emptier.
haha have been thinking about blogging since wednesday but never really got round to doing it until now. one thing that struck me very deeply on wed was what my teacher said about utilising personal experience in music. it's quite true, as one grows older, maybe one's fingers are less nimble than before, less able to turn faster and shift faster but what one has gone through in terms of personal experience enriches the feeling and the connection to the piece. hm. have been thinking about that for a long time (:
well thursday was distinctly interesting hurhur. won't go into much detail here though. the heart was an amusingly spongy entity; sadistic people like sheryl and I got a kick out of slicing it open. orch later was erm okay I guess, elizabeth's my desk partner again! (: waha she was lamenting about it during break, and I think I twacked her on her back. well nearly four long years and I think it's been almost incredibly improbable but I'm quite thankful for it. (:
hm and as omi advises, I shall blog about music today. omi and ANG [oho the CAPS are required!] are in my group! yay. well basically ANG's our tech person who arranges the notes and rhythm on the software and omi's the pro lyricist cum songwriter. so fun! I think I'm beginning to slightly like computer music heh. pleh don't have time to figure out how linking works in blogger, so yeah xD

suddenly I'm reminded of how fast time seems to move; seeing it rush by ungraciously, unfalteringly, feeling it slip through my fingers.
just a common counterfeit yeah.
sunday's over, it's gone. and with it comes realisations that I don't want to realise.
things change and shift blindingly quick, like the way I must parry those doubts.
and in the midst of it all I recognise I don't want to.
15 more weeks, and almost no one left. when the dust settles, the only person who hasn't somehow wriggled out will crumble without a pillar. oddly I'm wishing it will pass, then I could go back to the state of faux-equilibrium before.
if only.

pleh. project superstar finals were rigged! how can kelvin win hmph. never mind, KELLY IS STILL MY SUPERSTAR! (: haha. on the basis of stage presence and technique at least, she should have won. yeah, kelvin has emotive vocals and yeah, he's blind so he can't gyrate about on stage but I bet even if pan jia li just stood there like a lamppost and sang into the microphone her stage presence would still be wayyyy better.
ont going for the lee wei song workshop I think; sorry kellie and wl [if you two read this] (: have to leave you to cope with the sajc guys and the very fractured atmosphere of our group.
eriksson talks bullshit and draws four million pounds a year for letting his players be the manager. pleh. england looks like a pseudo-chelsea; if they don't win the world cup it definitely is eriksson's fault.
grr. back to project superstar. kelly is x) more musical than kelvin lor. and at least a hundred times more good-looking.
so ends term three, on a rather vague and sober note.

There's never gonna be
A moment of truth for you
While the world is watching
'Cause all you need is
The thing you've forgotten
And that's to learn to live
With what you are

sometimes I wish I could be perfect and change myself overnight but I'm learning. thanks pooh, for teaching me so subtly.

someone wiser would have done things differently -
please shine the light of your presence into my life.
leave me next to nothing; I'm not afraid of losing.
just a common counterfeit yeah.

i don't know why i even bother posting. strangely devoid of emotion despite the events of this week.
third for lyrics and first for song! (: <3 valerie, yufang, weiling and kellie ! waha at least we didn't finish fourth for anything xD lol I'm still quite in love with zhao3, the propro sngs song. fun getting to know the rest of the finalists (with obvious exception of njc).
musica was ... alright I guess. really love and appreciate strings more now, though I wish it wouldn't speed by that fast. would love to thank alot of people xD but I guess them knowing my gratitude should be enough for me.
received a cute baby tigger and a yellowish orange ixora from sam and neko. ixoras!! haha kellie if you read this, don't roll your eyes.
it's all over, and I'm so tired I can hardly think and walk but it doesn't matter because the experience is far better than I could've ever imagined.

sorry for being selfish and being so incredibly juvenile.
can't you see - i'm not ready at all?
how can I describe this; a wrenching loss at what I know must be, yet for its sake I must enjoy and treasure the present.
I am falling, and falling very hard and very fast.
the best thing about that is [decide if I'm sarcastic]: there's no one, and nothing here for me to break my fall. everythingislosingitsmeaning.
I'm not quite sure if I'll have the strength and the heart to carry on in that vein.
and the four of you, well I cannot be sure if our feelings are mutual but I try and I hope you all know. but soon, all of you will shuffle out of my life anyway, so why do I bother? the only reasonable answer I can see is becausebecause
musica is coming up in approximately three days. this week has been stress-filled so far but I'm quite sure it's going to be a great week filled with memories too. hm but this week is the beginning of the end of everything as I know it. my world - won't look like my world anymore. in fact I hardly see any reason to hold on except for burning passion.
I'm not ready for this at all; I'm not ready for my world being flipped upside down, for my feelings to change, for my viewpoints to swing wildly further from myself.
and through this all, with my windscreen all fogged up, I can't see anyone, not even you.
funny how I can be so self-centred and have low self-esteem at the same time.

so here I stand, broken, defeated and humbled.
I'll do anything you'd want me to do, even quit, although the mere possibility of that sends me plunging down an impossibly vertical cliff.
and before whatever remains is crushed into submission, yet another dilemma has forcibly planted itself in my path.
argh it's not as if I'd rather give up one for the other.
as kellie says, "he. is. such. an. idiot."
and so I try to juggle lousily unbalanced schedules, with rehearsals slotted in just about everywhere, attempting not to drive myself/my dad [who drives me around; thx for putting up with me (:] into madness because of those impossible rushes around the wonderful sunny island.
I don't really want to make a choice; but it'd be selfish of me not to. so I will anyway.

What I've kept with me
and what I've thrown away
don't know where the hell I've ended up
on this gloomy, random day
Were the things I really cared about
just left along the way
for being to pent up and proud

argh. I think- I'll keep memories as memories in my head only; no words can do justice.
great so now; everything that goes wrong is my fault. good intentions converted into villainy-
well you just don't understand anything at all from my point of view. be the outsider, the person looking in, the kind of person you'd greet but not talk to.
paradox.
I actually like being alone but at the same time -
haha let's not go into details. details are meant for my private blog only.
my whole world and existence as I define it; it's changing - every aspect of it. my whole world being redefined, being ripped apart, torn down
only for me to rebuild it again and see it torn apart once more. absolutely wonderful; this.
memories; and you staying in my heart forever. (:

Safe to say from here
You're getting closer now
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be

Rain rain go away
Come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun

dare I say; nothing.
always waitingwatchingfaltering.
I don't need me -without me.
blackbluegrey; darkens to inky blackness.
neverchanging pattern, part of a spectrum.

I'm living it up
while I'm falling from grace
there's no way
that I'm running away

fall, crumple and break-
everything I needed.
you see me now; and then again it isn't me at all
what we do to let the normal go on.