copied from kellie's blog because I cannot be bothered to retype:

pwesshus' cute cute cheer we sang at every goal:
that's the ways, uh-huhs uh-huhs,
i likes its, uh-huhs uh-huhs
that's the ways, uh-huhs uh-huhs,
i likes its!

darn it's stuck in my head. TWILEVEN LOVE! <3>like, totally rock as a class. waha after net carn we ran to the milo van and yam-senged in the middle of the road. I BACK ELEVEN (: so here the last road begins;

That sweet and sacred feeling you know
Will never last long
Every time you turn around you'll see
One more part of you, yes it's gone
I need your spirit darling
And lend me your helping hand, and I
I'll meet you in the morning
When I've broken up the band
lyrics of Up All Night by Razorlight

YES EOYS ARE OVER. freedom beckons. well today after math was fantastic, just the right balance of everything I've ever needed and everything I can use to go insane for a bit. netball! zoe and I spent the time running from the attacking third to the centre third. not that useless lah, can practise shuttle run xD went off with omi/neko and uh we walked all the way back after the third stop to lucky plaza where I bought a cd! whee. calyn met us there (us shorties, yes us lame-o shorties) and we half-chionged to cine to watch GOAL. and I must publicly exhort the movie GOAL for being able to inspire. gives you a good picture of life as a reserve/first team player as well. the first team locker room was the coolest. jerseys hanging up on the wall so neatly, boots placed on the bench. wow. product placement was darn obvious though, calyn and I sniggered through those. santiago carrying an adidas bag, after gavin scores you see adidas billboard, adidas bag on the team bench, adidas predator boots.
hm after that omi went to buy the GOAL! soundtrack. waha. I'm starting to come round to the view that oasis isn't that bad after all. and calyn bought the kelly clarkson cd I think. uh we walked around the levels ;) interesting place. and only ang wasn't carrying a cd heh.
on a more serious note, the concert tonight was erm okay. certainly not the best one I've seen, but it had a nice mix of everything: company, fascinating music and learning points. whee! today has been a HIGH day, due to loads of factors, some of which have been mentioned and some of which have not.

so maybe my hiatus has just been ditched into hell, along with mugging and grades.
today + yesterday were our last proper lessons as a class; and I didn't realise exactly how united we were until today. assembly block/cleanup seems rather inappropriate for class bonding but we were efficient and finished early (: the very last time we could actually act like a class, without the weird floating feeling of post-exams or the stress of eoys. one twelve last year was distinctly different from twileven, partly because in our class, everyone can talk to everybody else. I'd miss the feeling of high-ness, and general noise, especially in mrs yap's lessons (: the hot muggy air in the afternoons when the windows are open, and everyone sleeping during geog. our last history lesson with mr mizar, and him crapping on about fairytales in german o.O and how he got involved with fights. (eh such a role model) xD the different characteristics of each term three/four group. <3 kang, calyn, jiemin, qing and ANG! well after cleanup we sat and stoned for a bit, had a lousy untimely spotcheck and emotions started running high after we got back our spa results. (: one of our last times singing together in a class, doing funny insane stuff together, annoying the teachers with our incessant chatter and whatnot. then some people started crying, and hugging, and everything else. <3 two eleven muchly (: floating and fighting, like a kite on the string; until this cut through my tether and changed everything. took for granted that nothing would change, but everything is - i'll treasure the past and the present.

on hiatus permanently for now.

the song of silence; -one more chance so keep floating

sometimes I wish I could hang on to the world I used to love, find my reason for staying in here. well even utopia has its dark undertones - perfection has its price.
opus nine was um alright. tiring. faded out from intermission onwards after being grinded flat by my somewhat uninspired playing and lack of focus. loved the song the kids sang; walking through the gloomy rainy day. bittersweet touch of irony there.

safe to say from here,
you're getting closer now
we're never sad cause we are not allowed to be

my brother's getting enlisted for ns on 3rd december. how fun. well I guess these things just happen.
I am not integrated for this - hold still all of my life, all of my time...
the natural life you're born you die; the natural life you're wrong you're right.
half the time I wish my world could be righted on its axis.

blogging sporadically once a week now. don'tthink my random musings are that interesting anyway. I wish I could say something to make you feel happier, but happiness has always been an illusion for those who think they know it.
for those who didn't know, today is 24th Sept. 240905 (: special day. -fauxsqueal- hm kellie and abi, don't pretend to know I do when you see this because I don't. x) IXORAS are gorgeous. and I meant the flower. ANG plucked one for me on thurs, and despite having to kill the ants in their natural habitat, I think IXORAS are really wonderful.
the past two weeks have been ... :( the third time this year in which concert or competition have been clashing. and since eois are coming, it's difficult to participate in abovementioned concert, do homework and study for the eois as well. hm stupid rs portfolio + report is due next week. ...there isn't even any purpose for the report except that we need to dump it on the teachers so they can record our progress. or the semblance of any progress that we're supposed to have made.
well no point whining on anymore, because they are choices that I make and I have to accept my choices. hm somehow yesterday I was looking through what little you have written to me and also writing to jx. and my summarised feelings are: you know how much I would miss you (: and miss that too.
hah well I may drag myself down to buy some new cds today. sigh. the only plausible timeslot now for homework/study is at ten pm. how wonderful.

this week's been a very weird rollercoaster and thanks very much, I don't appreciate being taken along for the ride but all the same, without the ride my life would be emptier.
haha have been thinking about blogging since wednesday but never really got round to doing it until now. one thing that struck me very deeply on wed was what my teacher said about utilising personal experience in music. it's quite true, as one grows older, maybe one's fingers are less nimble than before, less able to turn faster and shift faster but what one has gone through in terms of personal experience enriches the feeling and the connection to the piece. hm. have been thinking about that for a long time (:
well thursday was distinctly interesting hurhur. won't go into much detail here though. the heart was an amusingly spongy entity; sadistic people like sheryl and I got a kick out of slicing it open. orch later was erm okay I guess, elizabeth's my desk partner again! (: waha she was lamenting about it during break, and I think I twacked her on her back. well nearly four long years and I think it's been almost incredibly improbable but I'm quite thankful for it. (:
hm and as omi advises, I shall blog about music today. omi and ANG [oho the CAPS are required!] are in my group! yay. well basically ANG's our tech person who arranges the notes and rhythm on the software and omi's the pro lyricist cum songwriter. so fun! I think I'm beginning to slightly like computer music heh. pleh don't have time to figure out how linking works in blogger, so yeah xD

suddenly I'm reminded of how fast time seems to move; seeing it rush by ungraciously, unfalteringly, feeling it slip through my fingers.
just a common counterfeit yeah.
sunday's over, it's gone. and with it comes realisations that I don't want to realise.
things change and shift blindingly quick, like the way I must parry those doubts.
and in the midst of it all I recognise I don't want to.
15 more weeks, and almost no one left. when the dust settles, the only person who hasn't somehow wriggled out will crumble without a pillar. oddly I'm wishing it will pass, then I could go back to the state of faux-equilibrium before.
if only.

pleh. project superstar finals were rigged! how can kelvin win hmph. never mind, KELLY IS STILL MY SUPERSTAR! (: haha. on the basis of stage presence and technique at least, she should have won. yeah, kelvin has emotive vocals and yeah, he's blind so he can't gyrate about on stage but I bet even if pan jia li just stood there like a lamppost and sang into the microphone her stage presence would still be wayyyy better.
ont going for the lee wei song workshop I think; sorry kellie and wl [if you two read this] (: have to leave you to cope with the sajc guys and the very fractured atmosphere of our group.
eriksson talks bullshit and draws four million pounds a year for letting his players be the manager. pleh. england looks like a pseudo-chelsea; if they don't win the world cup it definitely is eriksson's fault.
grr. back to project superstar. kelly is x) more musical than kelvin lor. and at least a hundred times more good-looking.
so ends term three, on a rather vague and sober note.

There's never gonna be
A moment of truth for you
While the world is watching
'Cause all you need is
The thing you've forgotten
And that's to learn to live
With what you are

sometimes I wish I could be perfect and change myself overnight but I'm learning. thanks pooh, for teaching me so subtly.

someone wiser would have done things differently -
please shine the light of your presence into my life.
leave me next to nothing; I'm not afraid of losing.
just a common counterfeit yeah.

i don't know why i even bother posting. strangely devoid of emotion despite the events of this week.
third for lyrics and first for song! (: <3 valerie, yufang, weiling and kellie ! waha at least we didn't finish fourth for anything xD lol I'm still quite in love with zhao3, the propro sngs song. fun getting to know the rest of the finalists (with obvious exception of njc).
musica was ... alright I guess. really love and appreciate strings more now, though I wish it wouldn't speed by that fast. would love to thank alot of people xD but I guess them knowing my gratitude should be enough for me.
received a cute baby tigger and a yellowish orange ixora from sam and neko. ixoras!! haha kellie if you read this, don't roll your eyes.
it's all over, and I'm so tired I can hardly think and walk but it doesn't matter because the experience is far better than I could've ever imagined.

sorry for being selfish and being so incredibly juvenile.
can't you see - i'm not ready at all?
how can I describe this; a wrenching loss at what I know must be, yet for its sake I must enjoy and treasure the present.
I am falling, and falling very hard and very fast.
the best thing about that is [decide if I'm sarcastic]: there's no one, and nothing here for me to break my fall. everythingislosingitsmeaning.
I'm not quite sure if I'll have the strength and the heart to carry on in that vein.
and the four of you, well I cannot be sure if our feelings are mutual but I try and I hope you all know. but soon, all of you will shuffle out of my life anyway, so why do I bother? the only reasonable answer I can see is becausebecause
musica is coming up in approximately three days. this week has been stress-filled so far but I'm quite sure it's going to be a great week filled with memories too. hm but this week is the beginning of the end of everything as I know it. my world - won't look like my world anymore. in fact I hardly see any reason to hold on except for burning passion.
I'm not ready for this at all; I'm not ready for my world being flipped upside down, for my feelings to change, for my viewpoints to swing wildly further from myself.
and through this all, with my windscreen all fogged up, I can't see anyone, not even you.
funny how I can be so self-centred and have low self-esteem at the same time.

so here I stand, broken, defeated and humbled.
I'll do anything you'd want me to do, even quit, although the mere possibility of that sends me plunging down an impossibly vertical cliff.
and before whatever remains is crushed into submission, yet another dilemma has forcibly planted itself in my path.
argh it's not as if I'd rather give up one for the other.
as kellie says, "he. is. such. an. idiot."
and so I try to juggle lousily unbalanced schedules, with rehearsals slotted in just about everywhere, attempting not to drive myself/my dad [who drives me around; thx for putting up with me (:] into madness because of those impossible rushes around the wonderful sunny island.
I don't really want to make a choice; but it'd be selfish of me not to. so I will anyway.

What I've kept with me
and what I've thrown away
don't know where the hell I've ended up
on this gloomy, random day
Were the things I really cared about
just left along the way
for being to pent up and proud

argh. I think- I'll keep memories as memories in my head only; no words can do justice.
great so now; everything that goes wrong is my fault. good intentions converted into villainy-
well you just don't understand anything at all from my point of view. be the outsider, the person looking in, the kind of person you'd greet but not talk to.
paradox.
I actually like being alone but at the same time -
haha let's not go into details. details are meant for my private blog only.
my whole world and existence as I define it; it's changing - every aspect of it. my whole world being redefined, being ripped apart, torn down
only for me to rebuild it again and see it torn apart once more. absolutely wonderful; this.
memories; and you staying in my heart forever. (:

Safe to say from here
You're getting closer now
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be

Rain rain go away
Come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun

dare I say; nothing.
always waitingwatchingfaltering.
I don't need me -without me.
blackbluegrey; darkens to inky blackness.
neverchanging pattern, part of a spectrum.

I'm living it up
while I'm falling from grace
there's no way
that I'm running away

fall, crumple and break-
everything I needed.
you see me now; and then again it isn't me at all
what we do to let the normal go on.

excerpt from my yuedu dang an (obviously I will remove it but it is being published on my blog for posterity). beware of lameness xD written by ahh well guess who.

一段很长的沉默.
"lala..." 她突然说.
"哇! 我也喜欢 lala! 你也看那部包视熊对吗?"
"是啊! Po 还挺 cute! TinkyWinky 也不错... 但是 Dipsy 有时喝醉, 变成 Tipsy."

hahahaha! that was...hilarious. (: is missing other people permitted? no, don't answer that question for me - I know the answer, everyone does, just that arghhhh I don't know why I feel like that thank you for the enlightenment.

hmm yesterday was certainly busy. but then again, "busy" would be an understatement xP
the competition...UHH. I screwed it up majorly but lol it was good experience. and I realised that shuwen my ex-rgp/netball senior was really nice. she lent me her file to stuff my score in because my useless bits of paper flapped around uselessly. stayed to watch that st. nick's student perform. the melody was heartwrenchingly beautiful; not the conventional type of shu qing chinese pop you listen to; but despite that it still touches the heart. very unorthodox harmony too but I loved it so much I actually stayed to watch even though wl/kellie/val/yufang went off already.
rushed down for concert reh xD ate with andrea and sam. dinner tasted lousy as hell and I gave up trying to eat. but it was quite amusing to watch the choir members get creative and tear off part of the cover and use it as a spoon. rested briefly and changed into sandals so ahh my walking function would not be sufficiently impaired. sam and I walked to esplanade and went to the library there; it really is quite amazing despite the fact that I couldn't find certain definitive recordings of great works like du pre's recording of dvorak's cello concerto. I listened to previn's tango and faure's sonata no1 played by anne-sophie mutter. x) browsed around a bit and found a sufficiently interesting recording of beethoven's tempest and waldstein sonatas. one particularly fascinating piece was kreisler's syncopation played by gidon kremer ahh the structure is quite boring yeah but I love its rhythm. before a (very patient indeed) sam hurried me back I had quite enough time to listen to souvenir de florence hahahaha. hmm on our way back we stopped at the river. what an indelible image. the lights from the streetlamps; dipping and dancing among the ripples of the water. the inky blackness of the water. seeing the water lap gently against the shore (well maybe technically not shore) and sam being reminded of "soil erosion". seeing the waters recede and roll back once more; uniform in its fate. glancing at the cloud-covered sky; still a somewhat musky blue and the clouds fading, trying to blend.
we jaywalked across the road to vch (oooooh jaywalking gives me an adrenaline high xP) and made a detour to victoria theatre. arrived back a good bit before the second half where we were due to play.
my brother and his friends are somewhat insane and hyper. lol. even that is an understatement. haha they arrived back not long after us and I couldn't really stand all that hyperness so sam/andrea/brenda and I went off - this time to the circle seats. the usher was unbelievably grumpy. usher: "do you have your...tickets?" me: "uhh...we're up here to..uhh...enjoy the sights." well I certainly do prefer quiet talking/thinking/silence to loud exuberant spirits. ahh well. the concert itself, as I said before, gave me a lot of insights but also experience. lol. wanted to shoot the whole bunch of adults at the end though because they held us back for so long. grrr. waste of my time; but sam was right; mrs mohd would give an arm to record the "speech" about the importance of hwanghe LOL. supper w my family after that (bcos of lousy dinner hahaha) but I was quite sleepy so I couldn't really think anymore.
haha lol gg off to play UT I think; or something else; not sure xD

Morning dew on the field, where I met you
I was frozen a year, couldn't get through
Got a sign, not a scar, on my shoulder,
I am not quite the man you take me for...

every single thing I do and see and hear reminds me of you and you and you.
been trying to find my own voice. in everything. and somehow along the way I realised that I love being alone and just thinking.
people see me and ask if I'm alright, if I want to tell them anything, if I could just cheer up.
something in there is hopelessly wrong. becausebecause. it's just the way I am.
so falqwin you were right after all.

Will I learn how to be one of you someday?
Will I still feel the eyes that behold me.
Will I hear what you think, when you see me?
Will it tear me apart if you feel for me...

my determination is working. (refer to the 080505 entry) well, almost. if only you wouldn't walk by and let me see your expression changing quickly from hostility and perplexity into that almost-smile, to me, a stunningly brilliant smile. question here is I don't know why.

HCJC Concert: Inspirations 5

concertconcertconcertconcertCONCERT. (((((: hcjc string ensemble ROCKS. xDD the holberg prelude wasn't as bad as syf; I think they tried to improve on that standard - their interpretation is worlds apart from ours however. they copied the programme notes from the dec rjc/hcjc concert okay. hmph. the air was...WOW. the floating sound that ms ku has always tried to draw from us and the way they played air was...WOW. okay so my vocab is rather limited but consider the fact that I'm experiencing post-concert euphoria. they had an interesting take on the riguadon - Lijia plays her solo clear and sharp, more of the violist accompanying the violinist but the hcjc one was more of an interplay between david and ruilin.
I cringed through the quintet and the quartet. by the end of both, I felt ready to shoot the first violinist. why? well the intonation firstly. somehow it seems that either she and the cellist or she and the pianist/violist have clashing As. next, the group dynamics didn't exist. they were just playing their individual parts without listening to the rest and the group sound was very ... loose? can't find the appropriate word. haha also they were quite stiff on stage erm they weren't feeling their music except for a few people.
OCTET! mendelssohn octet rocks, especially the presto. it's stuck in my head now, replaying over and over again; drives me nuts but beautiful melody and interesting harmony: potent mix. x) the energy of the octet players was simply... unbelievable. the seamless transitions from section to section too. a fitting way to end off the first half; if only -. the quintet and quartet was very disappointing, far below the standard set by last year's batch hohoho. xP
intermission: talked alot of rubbish, went to toilet because of pearl several times, saw my brother and congratulated him on playing well for riguadon and octet.
four seasons was rather intriguing, this being the first time I have heard the whole thing at once. I think the most memorable one was the summer movement, again because of the incredible energy and enthusiasm you could feel emanating from the players. summer was rather forgettable and AUTUMN! yay david you did well. not super fantastic. but good enough. thought you could've driven it more though. but overall quite satisfying.
yeah encore was summer from four seasons >< so boring compared to last year's hcjc/rjc concert which mr tan was conducting and his encore was hilarious xD ah well I'm hyper! as expected.
and I want to hear your voice just once more!

syf was .. okay I guess. it's hard talking about it and I' m going to seal up that part of my life and hopefully never touch it again.
hah I just realised I sound very bitter and angry. I'm not I think.
blogging for me is a way of release.
To my bro; and my mates naomi abi h eileen huiyi calyn kellie - thanks :) for cheering me up.
miss teh's last lesson today which was quite sad because over the past two months I've grown more accustomed to her and needless to say, I think I'll be missing her ... kuan1 rong2? smth like that.
yeah and smth that I've longed for for the past week happened TWICE today. makes me slightly happier; because having an empty void for feelings and being numb to everything else scares me a bit.